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We live in a society that is geared towards extroversion. Estimates suggest that introverts make up at least 50 per cent of the population, but despite this, parents, and a large section of society, think being introverted is an oddity. We tend to think that children should be sociable and outgoing and if they turn out quieter than their friends, we worry that something is wrong. We want our children to have large groups of friends, to be included in activities with other children because we think that’s “normal” and that’s what a successful child looks like. We don’t want our kid to be the weird loner who likes hanging out by himself because that reflects badly on our parenting skills.
So, if our children, by some quirk of fate, happen to be introverts, we rush around in a panic trying to jump-start their social lives. We arrange playdates if they are toddlers, insist on inviting their friends and classmates over if they are teens and push them to join numerous clubs and groups in a bid to make them act more like extroverts.
Mistakes to Avoid When Raising an Introverted Child
Worrying about their lack of a big social circle
Often, parents get worried about an introverted child because the world can be such a competitive place. Both at school and at home, children who are more extroverted and confident are applauded more than the “quiet” ones. But being an introvert doesn’t mean you are dull. Introverts possess many amazing qualities, from the way they think deeply about things to the way they connect meaningfully with a few choice friends who “get them.”
When they do speak up, telling them to keep quiet
Not surprisingly, introverted kids usually don’t talk much. But just because they tend to be quiet doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to say. Instead, they may not know how to say what they are feeling, and to whom. However, on the inside, they have loud and inquisitive minds. Telling them to keep quiet when they muster up the courage to speak will only kill their spirit.
Ignoring their questions
If an introverted child asks you something, it probably took them quite a while to muster up the courage to do it. So, if your introverted child has questions, listen. Do not jump to conclusions or react in an overtly dramatic manner.
Pushing them beyond their limits
Parents want the best for their children, and sometimes that means helping introverted kids step out of their comfort zones. But sometimes parents push their kids beyond their limits and pressure them into things that they are not comfortable doing. Every child is different. If your child is introverted, don’t expect him to happily approach strangers or lead a group. Similarly, don’t pressure them to go to parties, play with large groups of kids, or socialise to the point of exhaustion. And if you question why they won’t do these things, they may see it in a negative way and think something is wrong with them or that they lack something.
Not paying attention
Introverted children sometimes refrain from expressing their thoughts and feelings because they think about them a lot before sharing them with anyone else. As a parent of an introverted child, watch out for changes you see in your child’s behaviour. They may not have the courage to speak up because their young brain may not be able to comprehend what exactly is happening. So, if they seem to withdraw more than usual or change their behaviour, it’s worth asking about.
Not accepting them for who they are
The best way to show your love and respect to someone is to accept them as they are. It doesn’t mean that you do not talk to them about their mistakes and how they can grow. It just means that you try to understand why they are doing the things they are doing. After all, every human being has their own reason for doing things.
Comparing them to other children
Nobody likes to be compared to someone else; it does no good to anyone, be it a child or a grownup. With introverted children, it can cause even more harm, as the world already tells them that they don’t measure up to the “extrovert ideal.” They may face issues regarding self-worth if they are compared to others and repeatedly told that they are not as good as other kids.
Assuming that it is their nature to always stay silent or alone
Introverts prefer being alone, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need anyone. They choose people with whom they can open up to and have deep, meaningful conversations with. Your introverted child probably prefers having a close friend or two vs. being class president and being surrounded by several acquaintances, and that’s okay. But if you notice that your introverted child is unusually silent, seems lonely and is not even seeing their close friends, pay attention and gently ask if everything is alright.
Telling them not to overreact
Introverts tend to take small things quite seriously. When something hurts or upsets an introverted child, they may rush into their room, hide in a corner, or cry into a pillow. Everything matters to them, which usually may get overlooked by others. They have an eye for detail and tend to read between the lines and may get hurt over trivial things and words.
The words “introvert” and “extrovert” are used frequently and often misunderstood to imply that someone is shy or outgoing.The true essence behind introverted versus extroverted children refers to their personality preference specifically, the way the child spends and recharges their energy.
We need to keep in mind that children are constantly learning to understand themselves and their place in the world. While it may appear that a child might be an introvert or an extrovert, it is important not to label children or put them in a box. As they grow, their preferences may likely change.
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